This is long........!!!

Wow So I have had a reallllly long week and have so much to update you all on it’s not even funny!! I’ll just start with Monday!

MONDAY
Monday was my bday!! I have decided that I am officially an old person…and here is why. I have decided that birthdays are no longer a big deal to me…seriously! As long as I am doing something on my birthday with people I love I honestly don’t care if I get gifts or if everyone and their brother calls me. I just want it to be an enjoyable day...yes I am only 24 but really I think I’m secretly 50...and here are reasons why!
1. I listen to NPR and other radio talk shows instead of listening to music
2. I saw the movie Juno and hated it...mainly because I thought Juno spoke very funny and it made me wonder if kids talk like that now a days and I didn't know it....
3. I’ve started to thoroughly enjoy sitting, reading the NY Times, and drinking a cup of coffee...I want to find time to do this every morning now because I’m getting so into it!
4. I was thinking about some of the things I really, truly enjoy doing...and the top 2 things we’re festivals and visting small cozy towns...how many 24 yr olds would really be entertained by these things?
5. I have started reading books, mainly sociology books...about anything...economics, politics, family, religion...when did I go from dreading reading these books to enjoying them in my spare time??
6. I have stopped sleeping extremely late...I can naturally wake up at 9...may not be early to some BUT do you all realize how much I am not a morning person?!?!?!
7.Feeling relaxed and introspective has become my goal now...I don’t need the hustle and bustle...just peacefulness...again most 24 yr olds would rather be living it up...oh but not me!
8. I have no desire to “go out” any longer. You probably couldn’t pay me to. I am much more content using my weekends to get up to date with the news, try a new restaurant, watch a movie at home, or visit a festival;)...I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a drink...really!

So now that you now why I’m secretely old let me tell you about my BDAY!

I went to Atlantic City with Ali and his cousin’s wife, Jessica, and their baby, Ayan. It was really nice to visit a beach town just to relax. I loved walking along the boardwalk and just looking at the ocean...ahhh it’s so pretty. We didn’t get to spend too much there but an afternoon away from the crazy city was good
enough.
When we first got there we ate at a restaurant called Continental. Now let me explain something...Ali works for a restaurant called Buddakan...I worked for a restaurant called Morimoto...all 3 of these restaurants are owned by Starr Restaurant Organization (there’s about 14 more too!)...SO... whenever you go to another Starr restaurant, as long as you’re an employee, which Ali is, you pretty much don’t pay for your meal. I was expecting this, but I wasn’t expecting the rucus (i know I spelled that wrong) that they made! All because “ooo there’s a sous chef from NY here”!!!...but that’s what happen...apparently all the other restaurants...which are mainly in AC and Philly...praise the NY one’s...ust because it’s NY! Let me help you out folks...they’re no better than the other restaurants!!! So anyway...we ended up being at Continental for about 3 hours! We got sooo much food and dessert (they have the best carrot cake I’ve ever had in my life!) we didn’t even order! All the managers had to come say their little hellos and of course we had to see the kitchen!! This was the least interesting part to me...it’s a kitchen...but here’s Ali…” ooo you guys have one of those”...and “wow we only have...” and “oh man this is a great kitchen!”. That was my gift to him on my bday...he got to see a kitchen :)
After eating at continential we went out on a little porch (sorry a better word for this is not coming to mind at the moment!) because we we’re told there would be a water show that goes along with music. This this excited me...again I’m like an old woman. We were told the shows start on the hour, every hour...well it’s 5pm at this point so the show should be starting...and it wasn’t...Ali was like okay there are no signs of it starting, lets get moving...so we walk back in the building to leave and OH there’s the show! We seemed to have missed the note that the show was INSIDE! It was really cool though! I’ve never watched a water music show before and it was quite entertaining.
After our little musical water show we just headed out to the boardwalk and walked along it. I loved it...looking at shops along the way is great fun to me. After walking for a while Jessica said I should get my palms read...now I am NOT a superstitous person or believe Tarot cards or palm reading...but hey...it’s my bday...why not! I was slightly surprised by this woamn...she described my personality in a decent way...said I was creative...possibly in social work...I don’t trust people very much...especially the person I’m dating (Ali loved that!)...i’m going to have 2 kids...will die of old age...etc. Now do I really believe she could read my palms?...no...what she can read is reactions on faces, to you to determine if she’s saying the right things. That’s what I believe in. But it was fun and interesting no the less. (PS and Ali did hold a grudge against me for a few hours about the fact that “I don’t trust him”...however when he got his palms read oh course everything she said to him was bogus...but what she said to me some how was true!! ;)
After hearing about my future we walked a little more and went onto a branch of the boardwalk with carnival type games. We wasted more money here than anywhere else! I tried to shoot a gun...tried being the key word..got punched in the face with a punching bag that I’m suppose to hit...and played with the machines that you give a dollar to and try to take the claws and pick up things...gosh who knows how much money we gave them!
Lastely we went into a casino...for about 20 minutes! That’s all I could do...we lost $20 in that time and that was already too much for me...when you’re poor you don’t gamble away that much money...all I could think was that’s a metro card or a 3rd a tank of gas for me!! Hahahah
After all this it was getting close to 8:30 and we had a good 2.5 hour drive ahead of us. By the time we got home it was about midnight (we stopped by Piscataway NJ to drop off Jessica and Ayan). I got a little cranky on this ride home...I was tired!! But overall it was a great day...very relaxing and with people I love...what I want on every birthday now for the rest of my long life (hey that’s what the fortune teller says I’ve got comin’ ;)
PS I have pictures but I probably won't post them today...this post's long enough! So i'll get them up this weekend!


TUESDAY
Man I started this day TIRED! I got to bed around 12:30 on Monday and got up at 5:45 to get into the city by 8:30 for orientation for the new job. I couldn’t be late of course so I gave myself a little extra time, but man...what a killer. Luckily it wasn’t a bad commute to the office in the city.
I woke up at 5:45
I left the house at 6:15 and drove to the ferry to get there by 6:50
I took the 7am ferry and go to the city at 7:30
I then hoped on a subway and go to where I needed to be about 7:55.
Yes I was a good half hour early but you NEVER know when NYC will bite you in the ass and make you really late...it happens frequently! (Just wait till you hear about Thursday!)

The Orientation
Orientation was like most..very boring and a lot of paperwork. I was originally told it would go all day and luckily I was done by about 11!!
I was obviously very early and after using the bathroom in the Starbucks around the corner, without buying a drink (they hate this!), I was there by about 8:10. There was another man that got there early and man talk about a talker!! I’m friendly too...but holy cow this man could not sit in silence!!...and I don’t really like having conversations that early in the morning!!
Once everyone got there we got our TB shots and did our drug tests. I’ve never seen adults so worried about being able to pee before. The nurse started handed everyone cups and they were all like “oh no do you have any water...I don’t have anything in me!” Come on people. She needed about 2 drops of pee. So I just went in and did my business while the woman next to me literally drank 4 cups of water and the talker man downed a couple as well.
I then had to listen to a man talk about OSHA (occupational safty stuff). This man was annoying because instead of just doing his little presentation he felt as though he needed to encourage participation...grrr...so he put mulitple choice questions into his slides and would NOT go on until someone said the answer. To make this less painful I just said A, B,C or D as quickly as possible.
Then after tons of paper work I had my fingerprints taken. Let me tell you Hoosiers...NY takes their fingerprinting seriously. I had to do each finger and thumb...then do my whole finger...then do my thumbs again. Man they really should just take a whole hand print cuz that’s pretty much what they got!!
After my orientation was over I has serious business to take care of...start my 10-15 page research paper due this Thursday (reminder this is Tuesday) that I have not typed one word of. Yeah I was stressed.

I commuted my butt back to SI, I had my car parked right at the ferry so I could leave and go straight to Queens to start writing. I got to Queens about 1...not bad timing! And went to the Barnes and Noble right around the block from school. I love that there’s a bookstore so close to school and in walking distance. I sat and wrote until class (all I produced was about 7 pages of disorganized notes) then had to head to class. After class I got home around 7:45 and didn’t have much motivation. Ali’s family was over for dinner and so I felt obligated to sit and eat with everyone. By the time I could actually start writing again it was around 9:30. I had no motivation...so I went to bed...I had all day of Wednesday ahead of me...

WEDNESDAY
Write. Write. Write. That’s all I did. I got up at 8:30 and went straight to Queens kids! I head to a Starbucks about 5 minutes from school and sat there until noon. At noon I headed back to the Barnes and Noble until 4:30. I then headed to class until 6:30. I then headed home and went straight to Panera and stayed there until 10. Literally people...I wrote alllll day long.
I don’t even have any fun stories from Wednesday because there were no fun stories. All I was doing and thinking about was “In Defense of Our Youth: Destructive Youth Behavior and Societal Causes.
I won’t bore you all with heavy details of my paper, but here's my argument in a nutshell... Youth’s behaviors have become more destructive in the last half century. They have actually always had destructive behavior but it has gotten worse. These changes are not all the fault of the youth. Youth are formed by the culture and society they live in. We have created a toxic society. Socially, economically and politically we have oppressed youth and put up barriers and difficulties for them to overcome to succeed. Examples: minimum wage is not a living wage, we no longer have enough manual labor jobs for those that don’t want to go to college, we have created the idea that post secondary education is required when in reality it often is really unnecessary for many jobs that require it, etc etc etc. If you really want to read it I can send you a copy :)

THURSDAY
Ok so my paper is due today. By Wednesday night I have all 10 pages written but I still needed to revise, reword etc. However...I have to go into the city again. When you get a TB shot you have to have it looked at 2 days later. Grrr... So I had to commute into the city just for this! I got to the Salvation Army offices in the city at 8:48...by 8:56 I was walking out of the office...with no TB and starting my 1hr and 15 min commute back to Staten Is. I did a good 2 hr and 45 minutes of commuting in one morning to be in an office for 8 minutes...this didn’t put me in the best of moods for the day...especially since I still had an unfinished paper on my mind.
So I got back to SI and went back to Panera to finish this paper. And of course, like always I miscalculate how long it will take me to finish it. At about 3 I’m almost finished I just need to go over it a couple more times and I needed to leave at 3:20 to get this paper to my professor in time.

Let me back up and explain something. So yesterday my professor said that he wasn’t going to lecture today, we could just come and turn in our papers and leave. I was happy about this...until I realized I would be driving to Queens (2.5 hours combined) just to hand in a paper. So I emailed my professor last night and asked if I could email it to him. He never responded so the whole day I debated whether I should just email it or if I should do the drive to Queens. At about 3 I decided ok, I have to drive this paper to Queens.

Okay back to 3pm and my paper’s almost done. We’ll 3:20 rolls around, which is when I need to leave and I’m not quite done reading. I finish at about 3:30...crap...I still have to print this paper out...I’m at Panera. No worries there’s a Kinkos 2 minutes away and its on the way. So I get to Kinkos and its 3:35...I should have been on the road to class a good 10 minutes ago. I get into Kinkos and the first computer I use to print off my paper says the printers aren’t working...I begin to panic...it’s 3:40. I’m running really late and my professor will not wait past 5:00 for this paper. I ask the man at the desk if the printer is working at any of the computers...”Oh yeah it works at the last one”. Ok. I get my paper printed off...it’s 3:45. It takes a good 1 hour and 15 minutes to get to school. I have exactly that amount of time...I’m stressed. Traffic is worse because it’s closer to rush hour. I drive to Queens like a mad woman. I park my car in a handicap spot...yes I did, but don’t worry there were about 10 still open right next to it...and I ran...ran people, to my professor’s office. I get there as he is closing his door. I am sweating like a pig and its 5:04... He says “oh good thing you made it. I don’t accept papers through emails or late papers”. Whew...I have never cut it so close in my life.
Lesson for me: Don’t wait until the very last minute to finish and print your papers. Especially when it is the paper that makes up your WHOLE ENTIRE GRADE FOR THE CLASS!

So to recap people I spent a good 2.5 hours commuting this morning to be in an office for 8 minutes and I spent another good 2.5 hours commuting in the afternoon to again spend about 5 minutes in an office. All this was not making me feel cheery and happy today.
On my way home Ali calls me and asks me to pick him up from the ferry on my way home. Not a big deal I do this all the time. Poor Ali didn’t know what was coming his way though. Traffic on Staten island was really bad as I was trying to pick him up. There was just tons of traffic because it was at rush hour time. When I got to Ali at the ferry I was beat. I was yelling at every other car and then I began yelling at him. I yelled because everyone was cutting me off. I yelled because I had spent 5 hours of my life commuting today. I was yelling because I felt like I didn’t turn in a good enough paper. I was yelling because I was tired. I was yelling because I was already stressed out and the atmosphere of a busy city just aggravates me even more. I was yelling because I am starting my new job on Monday and will be driving in this chaotic mess 5 times a week. I was yelling because I felt like I was boiling inside with anger and frustration and have absolutely no idea how to get it out.
Ali was just looking at me. I was screaming and crying. What a scene sitting at the red light with the windows down. I didn’t care. I couldn’t care anymore. I sometimes think I missed the step in life when you learn how to handle frustration because man...I don’t have that skill. Ali doesn’t know what to say and I don’t blame him. I tell him I have to move to Queens and he says that’s fine. I tell him I don’t believe him that he'll be okay with this. He says what do you want me to say then. In these moments I don’t really think anyone can say anything to make me feel better. My emotions are running me right now. I have lost control of myself and my rationality. We get home and he gets out of the car and goes straight to the gym. I stand inside our bedroom and just sit. Feeling completely overwhelmed by the feelings and frustrations inside of me and feeling like I’m going to lose it at any given moment. I don’t know what to do. I mechanically put on running clothes and run out of the house. I run...and I run...and I run...I run for a good hour. And that is where the poem from yesterday came from.
Yesterday was a hard day. The frustrations of this city and the perfection I expect from myself became too much.