Decisions, Decisions

I don't like decisions I have finally decided :)

I'm at work right now...so this is a bit of a no no...but I use this blog to vent and get my thoughts out and I'm feeling a need to do that at the moment. So I haven't really written about a decision I have had to make over this weekend yet because I didn't really feel like solidifying my decision.

Last Thursday I was given an offer from St. John's to take a graduate assistant position in the sociology dept. It is a part time positions and your tuition is waivered. I would be working with a professor assisting them with whatever they want assistance with:) HOWEVER...you don't get paid and you aren't allowed to work while you are a graduate assistant! No pay can be difficult when you have bills and have a goal of getting your own apartment! My goal is to eventually get myself out of social services and into the academic world and so this was such a frustrating decision to make.

Do I chose the GA position that takes me closer to my goal of academia, while paying for my tuition, but then using my loans to live on....

OR do I keep my full time social work position, that wille eventually get difficult, (all social work positions do), but I will have money to get my own apartment, pay my bils, won't go into deeper debt etc etc

Well today I was forced to verbalize my decision and called the head of the sociology dept and told her I could not take the position. This was such a hard phone call for me...I got off the phone and felt like crying...one because I am just such an emotional person and its very easy for me to cry :) two because I hate being an adult. I don't like the difficult decisions that come with adulthood and the things you are forced to consider when making your decisions. Decisions are no longer based on simply what you want...

When you're young you're decisions are really not that big or life altering, you think they are...but they really aren't. Whether or not to date Billy Bob or not to date Billy Bob....should I work at Gap or should I work at Old Navy...prom or no prom, really people, these aren't life altering.

I'm an adult though, and I realize this more and more when I have to base decisions on money, location, benefits, loans etc etc.

I am extremely sad that I couldn't take this position. Now I know this decision wouldn't classify as life altering...but one can't help but wonder if I'm letting my break into academia be postponed due to this decision...I guess I'll never really know...I can only have a positive attitude and hope that I will get another opportunity and be in a financial place where I can take it.