Confrontation

So I don't like confrontation.

I like confrontation so little that I couldn't even remember how to spell it and had to look it up to put it in this blog!! No joke!!

This is my last week at my job. I am leaving to become a graduate assistant to a professor at St. John's. This will be soooo helpful when it comes to applying to PhD programs but it has been very awkward and uncomfortable leaving my job...especially due to all the confrontational conversations I've been forced into (or just avoided lately) with my co-workers, superiors or clients.

I'm also not good at good byes. I hate saying good bye. I think this is somewhat normal but still it's not healthy.

Due to my hate of confrontation and dreading of good byes I avoid a lot of people, conversations and topics. I'm just starting to realize how bad this is for myself.
I realize how much stress and anxiety this adds to my life. Instead of addressing something and putting an end to it, I let it fester and continue to eat me. For example, I have not discussed my leaving with the program director at the shelter I work at. Now of course I told the supervisor right above me and she told him, however I have not gone to him and had a conversation about this. Now why one might ask, have I not gone to him. Mainly because I don't feel I connect with him in any way, shape or form and I think he'll make the conversation uncomfortable for me. So, instead of just getting the conversation over with, I have avoided him to the point that my supervisor has told me I must meet with him tomorrow. I've also avoided co-workers that I know are going to give me a hard time for leaving or the clients I work with that are going to go ape shit on me when I tell them. I avoid. Way. Too. Much.

Another of my New Years resolutions is definitely going to be to stop avoiding confrontation and instead push myself into it.

I hurt myself more than anyone else by my avoiding behavior. And I know my avoiding behavior confuses others. How could it not be confusing for people when I avoid them or a situation and they don't know why.


PS My sister came to the city this past weekend and it was so fun!!! However because I'm waiting for pictures to get put on a CD so I can upload them to my computer, I'm going to wait to tell you all about it til the pics are ready!!!