I got back to my country roots!

Hey Everybody!
This last weekend I visited Rach in upstate NY. It was a chore trying to get up there but once I got there it was a great weekend.
I left after work on Friday at around 4:30. Now normally I would get upstate in about 5 hours...well not on a Friday leaving NYC. It took 7 1/2 hours guys!!!!! I'm not exaggerating either! I got there at midnight! What a drive. I got stuck in traffic and sat for who knows how long, my GPS system stopped working half way through the drive (thank goodness for a good memory), and I almost ran out of gas at the end of the drive because the last hour you are in the middle of no where!!

But I got there :) On Saturday we went to Boldt Castle in Alexandria Bay, NY. It's right across the water from Canada! I love historical buildings, especially homes. The kids did really well too! We spent a little time after touring the castle hanging around the town. It's soooo cute. It makes me desperately miss all the small little towns around Indiana. This area is called the 1000 Island regions and I love it. There's tons of small little towns and it's totally country.
Here are a few pictures from Saturday. The last picture is from the top of the castle looking at the town of Alexandria Bay!













On Sunday Rach and I took the kids to Old McDonald Farm!!! It was so cute. This is a real, working farm that does tours of the farm for kids. They let kids pet and see all of their animals. Sophie feed the goats popcorn, we saw pigs (did you know pigs are actually smarter than dogs!!),sheep, llamas, chickens, rabbits, horses...everything! We toured the cow barns too. This farm has 550 cows and milks all of them 3 times a day!! Here are a few pictures from the day!













My weekend felt so short. I miss the babies already!! Don't worry I miss you too Rach. It's so hard to leave them...especially since Sophie has given me a nickname...Bebo!! We have no idea where it came from but I love it. When I was leaving she stood on the front porch saying "bye bye bebo, bye bye"!!! Then I honked my horn for her and made her jump cuz it scared her so much! :)

Sar

Dude...today's Thursday??!!?

Hey All,
So I definitely thought today was Wednesday! I can't believe tomorrow is Friday! Work has been going well...I'm actually starting to enjoy it more and more. The first day is always hard but I'm starting to get to know people and my job better and better with every day. I think I'll feel decently confident once I start working with clients (which won't be until the 25th!). Tuesday, Wednesday and today I spent reading files on my clients and meeting with more people at Briarwood (the name of the facility I work at) and learning what their role is. My job is to be a resource for all of my clients so I need to know everyone's job as well as a lot of government programs like housing, public assistance, social security etc. One thing I'm noticing and really liking is that the program is very organized. Everyone has just one job and knows it well....does that make sense? I just feel like for employees and clients it's really clear what everyone does and there's no overlap or anything.
I actually got a little more outspoken today and got in a "heated discussion" with a maintenance worker at the building. Today we had a going away party for the girl I'm replacing and everyone in the building was invited. We actually are really close with our maintenance men! My guy is Harris :) We've bonded well. Anyway...one of them decided to start a conversation at the end of the going away party with a couple of us employees. He decided to bring up a discussion about the "N" word. He is black and feels like he has the right to say it. At Briarwood I'm actually a minority. Most of the staff is black or hispanic, with a few white. Which is fine, I actually enjoy the diversity...but anyways...so myself and this guy as well as 2 other black women, another white girl, and another black man were are sitting and having this conversation. It got quite heated because all of us except the 2 black men felt no one should use the "N" word, black or white. It turned into a 30min discussion about why it's not okay for anyone to use it (which is due to it's symbolism and the history and meaning of the word, as well as respecting the people that were actually affected by the meaning of the word). It was such a frustrating conversation because this man continued to think because I'm from Indiana I must use the word and be racist because "everyone from Indiana is racist", according to him.
It was interesting though because I've never shown my opinion so loudly and openly or so quickly when I've just started a job. It was kind of relieving though...to just give my opinion and say this is what I think...I don't care if you don't like it!!!
Nothing else too exciting has happened in the last few days!! I could give you a few stories about clients but I'm tired and have to get up early tomorrow. I'm going to work early because I'm going to Rach's for the weekend and leaving right after work!!
K...I'm going to bed all.
Good Night!
Sarah

First Day of Work!

Hola,
So you'd think I'd have a huge update being my first day of work at a new job...but actually I don't have much to say!! It was a very uneventful day! I guess before I explain anything about my day I should say exactly what I do. I work for Salvation Army Social Services. I work at a tier two homeless shelter which means instead of community sleeping rooms and bathrooms etc, in my shelter each family has their own apartment with a full bathroom, kitchen etc. You must have children to stay in the shelter I work at as well. My job in a nutshell is to work with the adults and help them with whatever barriers are keeping them from being able to find or keep their own housing. I will mostly work with clients on education and employment. My job will also largely be about knowing resources for the families and referring them to whatever resources they need. Ok so now my first day....

I got to work this morning with plenty of time to spare...the commute wasn't too bad. I sat through what will be a weekly meeting to discuss all of the families in the shelter. There are about 90 families in the shelter so this takes about 2 hours. Then I sat with the girl that I will be replacing and learned about PA(public assistance...more well known as welfare). PA is very detailed and there are so many things that affect whether or not someone gets, how much $$ the get, how the keep it etc etc etc. I won't bore you all with the details. I also learned the whole process of an intake (or getting a new family at the shelter). After sitting with the girl I am replacing, I sat with some staff while they ate lunch and I just sat..who really has an appetite on their first day of a new job?!!? I was then shown basic things on my computer and phone and told I could spend some time cleaning my office....and boy did it need it. The guy that used my office before me was disgusting!! He didn't clean anything!!!! There was oatmeal packets, a brush, lots of hair, paycheck stubs, shampoo, used soap, a coke botttle all in my desk still...and this is just a few things!!! He also hadn't gone through files in years...as I began going thru then and cleaning I found things from 1999!!! He didn't know how to throw anything out!!! So my big goal this week is to clean my office!

After cleaning for quite a while I was suppose to go review the binders on our clients. Each family in the shelter has a binder with ALLLL of the information you could want to know about them...and my boss would like me to read them all in the next two weeks! I didn't get downstairs to do this until about 4:30 and didn't get very far...there was another staff person in the office and we ended up talking instead of me reading...which is fine...that just can't happen everyday!!

I then left at 5 as I was advised to do...I was told if you don't establish that you leave at 5, you'll be dragged into staying and never get out at a decent time! Then the most exciting part of my day happened...I know no one will be able to understand or appreciate this but that's okay. I left the office at 5...i stopped and got gas and still got home at 6!!!!!! Getting home in an hour is AMAZING timing!!! Trust me!!!

Weekend

Hey all,
Wow my weekend went fast!! I thoroughly enjoyed it though because this is the first time in a lonnnngg time that I have had a whole weekend off! I've worked at Morimoto since I've moved out here and for the last few months my schedule was fri, sat, sun, mon....so it felt very weird to not be working! I start my new job tomorrow though and I will definitely let you all know tomorrow how it goes!

This last friday I got to spend time with my friend Reena. I went to college with Reena and she lives out here in NY (Long Island - which is close to NYC), but due to crazy schedules I've barely gotten to see her in the last few months!

However, before I headed out to Long Island to visit Reena friend on friday I decided to to to T Mobile because my phone started acting funny. Most of you probably don't even know this phone exists. I have 2 phones...verizon and t mobile. I mainly use the t mobile with Ali and non-verizon people....but anyways....this phone started acting funny a couple of days ago. I woke up and it was vibrating...and wouldn't stop!! The only way I could get it to stop was if I took out the battery!! So I took it to the t mobile store here on SI and of course I get the dummy employee. Now normally I would not be mean and say this about anyone but he was the worst customer service person I have ever encountered. I walked up to the counter and he was the only one not busy...so I said "hi, my phone is not working right, can you help me?". He looks at me for a second then asks me if I have some kind of phone. I say "no, I don't even know what kind of phone that is...here is my phone"...and I pull out my phone and show him the vibrating problem. He then asks for the last 4 digits of the social security number on the account. The account is in Ali's brother's name so of course I don't have a clue. So then I have to call Ali's brother at work, otherwise this lovely man says he can't help me. So I call Ali's brother, thank goodness he answers, and he gives me the last 4 of his social...no problem...I rattle it off for the the man and hang up. He then needs my phone number and of course I give him the wrong number...shows you how often I don't give out this number!...and he says he can't find the account and asks for the social numbers again. I can't remember the numbers because I just said them really quickly while on the phone and thought the man would put the in the computer. Well when I gave him the wrong number it deleted the social numbers...so then we had to play with numbers to come up with the right numbers!!!

Soooo finally we got the account open and the man is not talking to me...he then just says "ok we'll give you another phone"! He didn't try to fix my phone or even look at it! Then one of the guys buddies walks up...and this is where the fun began. This lovely friend sticks around and my customer service rep, instead of helping me, walks away from me!! and starts talking to his friend!! I actually follow him because I didn't know what he was doing! So I have to wait while he chats with his friend. He then comes over and continues helping me and shows me the phones I can chose from...I chose one which is really nice!..so now he needs to take the memory chip thing from the old phone and put it in the new one (and no I don't know the technical name for this chip)...so he stands and tries to get it out for a while and then says to me "do you know how to get this thing out?"!!! YES he definitely said this!! Two things are wrong with this sentence 1) if you work at a store that is all about cell phones you should know what "things" are called 2) you should also be able to take out one of these "things", and not act like you don't know what you're doing. So I got the chip out :)...and of course as I begin to take the chip out he goes back to his friend and chit chats a little more!! Annoyance...huge annoyance my friends...finally the turd comes back over and and he turned on the phone and says "you're all set". Oh lord. I just take my phone and walk away..i decided it'd be better to figure out anything I needed on my own...and I didn't want one of the competent workers walking over and saying..."Why are you just giving this girl a phone?!" The quality of customer service nowadays...can't get any better!!!

So after getting my new cell phone I started my drive to Long Island. I left around 3 and man did I misjudge what traffic would be like. It was horrible because everyone from the city goes out to Long Island on the weekends...so lets just say a drive that would normally take 1 hour took about 1 hr and 45 mins...but I finally got there! Reena and I then hung out and tried to go shopping...I say try because I was in a horribly picky mood and couldn't find one thing that I wanted!! Oh well :) We then got some chinese for dinner and went to see The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I actually really enjoyed this movie and almost cried a few times!! Seriously!! So cute. We then went home and passed out...hey I told you I'm an old woman!
On Saturday we woke up and watched some Olympics and then got some breakfast at a diner close by. Diners are really popular out here!! Aftwards we got Italian ices...does anyone in Indiana know what these are??...I didn't until I can out here and insist they aren't in IN. They are like a mixture between ice cream that's more ice than cream....that's the best way I know how to describe it!!...After hanging out a little more I headed back to Staten Island. I then sat home ALONE and watched some Olympics and just relaxed. I stress alone because that almost never happens!!

I then picked Ali up from the ferry and we went to what I thought was going to be a small bbq at one of his friend's house...Yeah....as we we're pulling up we see the street is blocked off...and why might you ask...oh because it's a huge freakin' block party!! So after searching for parking we get to his friend's house. We hang out, have some food, stand around because we don't know many people, and then we head inside his friend's house to watch some MMA fights on pay per view. So we're just starting to watch the fights and I notice that Ali had gone downstairs and has been down there for awhile. I wonder what he's doing so go look for him and I find him in the bathroom...throwing up! All he says is go get the car...he looks horrible...so I get the car without saying bye to anyone...not to be rude but because he really looks bad. Ali drags himself out to the car and I attempt to speed home as fast as I can...1) because he looks really sick 2) I don't want him to throw up in my car! So we get home and he falls on the bed. He proceeds to run to the bathroom a few times to be sick and then after a few times, just holds the trash can next to him on the bed (well I held the trash can), exhausted and in a lot of pain. He honestly made me wonder if I needed to drive him to the ER he looked so bad and acted like he was in so much pain!!! Thank god after being sick quite a few times, whatever was making him ill got out of his system and the pain went away...but what a fun night...emptying a puke fill trash can....:)

Today, Sunday we slept in, Ali needed it...and then we went out to New Jersey. Ali's cousin AJ and his wife Jessica and baby Ayan live out there and we visit alot! Ali's friend Mike also went with us. Ali and Mike went fishing with his other cousin, Shadan (I know lots of family!), while I hung out with AJ and Jessica all day. It was honestly relaxing though to just sit in there house, watch the Olympics, and just...relax. I don't know how else to say it. I played with Ayan who is such a cutie...I'll have to post a picture of him. Ali got back around 7 and we left shortly after, got some quick Indian food and came home! Today wasn't too exciting...but I need those days every now and then...actually more than every now and then would be nice!!
Okay I'm going to bed to get up early for my first day of work tomorrow!!
Wish me luck!
Love
Sar

This is long........!!!

Wow So I have had a reallllly long week and have so much to update you all on it’s not even funny!! I’ll just start with Monday!

MONDAY
Monday was my bday!! I have decided that I am officially an old person…and here is why. I have decided that birthdays are no longer a big deal to me…seriously! As long as I am doing something on my birthday with people I love I honestly don’t care if I get gifts or if everyone and their brother calls me. I just want it to be an enjoyable day...yes I am only 24 but really I think I’m secretly 50...and here are reasons why!
1. I listen to NPR and other radio talk shows instead of listening to music
2. I saw the movie Juno and hated it...mainly because I thought Juno spoke very funny and it made me wonder if kids talk like that now a days and I didn't know it....
3. I’ve started to thoroughly enjoy sitting, reading the NY Times, and drinking a cup of coffee...I want to find time to do this every morning now because I’m getting so into it!
4. I was thinking about some of the things I really, truly enjoy doing...and the top 2 things we’re festivals and visting small cozy towns...how many 24 yr olds would really be entertained by these things?
5. I have started reading books, mainly sociology books...about anything...economics, politics, family, religion...when did I go from dreading reading these books to enjoying them in my spare time??
6. I have stopped sleeping extremely late...I can naturally wake up at 9...may not be early to some BUT do you all realize how much I am not a morning person?!?!?!
7.Feeling relaxed and introspective has become my goal now...I don’t need the hustle and bustle...just peacefulness...again most 24 yr olds would rather be living it up...oh but not me!
8. I have no desire to “go out” any longer. You probably couldn’t pay me to. I am much more content using my weekends to get up to date with the news, try a new restaurant, watch a movie at home, or visit a festival;)...I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a drink...really!

So now that you now why I’m secretely old let me tell you about my BDAY!

I went to Atlantic City with Ali and his cousin’s wife, Jessica, and their baby, Ayan. It was really nice to visit a beach town just to relax. I loved walking along the boardwalk and just looking at the ocean...ahhh it’s so pretty. We didn’t get to spend too much there but an afternoon away from the crazy city was good
enough.
When we first got there we ate at a restaurant called Continental. Now let me explain something...Ali works for a restaurant called Buddakan...I worked for a restaurant called Morimoto...all 3 of these restaurants are owned by Starr Restaurant Organization (there’s about 14 more too!)...SO... whenever you go to another Starr restaurant, as long as you’re an employee, which Ali is, you pretty much don’t pay for your meal. I was expecting this, but I wasn’t expecting the rucus (i know I spelled that wrong) that they made! All because “ooo there’s a sous chef from NY here”!!!...but that’s what happen...apparently all the other restaurants...which are mainly in AC and Philly...praise the NY one’s...ust because it’s NY! Let me help you out folks...they’re no better than the other restaurants!!! So anyway...we ended up being at Continental for about 3 hours! We got sooo much food and dessert (they have the best carrot cake I’ve ever had in my life!) we didn’t even order! All the managers had to come say their little hellos and of course we had to see the kitchen!! This was the least interesting part to me...it’s a kitchen...but here’s Ali…” ooo you guys have one of those”...and “wow we only have...” and “oh man this is a great kitchen!”. That was my gift to him on my bday...he got to see a kitchen :)
After eating at continential we went out on a little porch (sorry a better word for this is not coming to mind at the moment!) because we we’re told there would be a water show that goes along with music. This this excited me...again I’m like an old woman. We were told the shows start on the hour, every hour...well it’s 5pm at this point so the show should be starting...and it wasn’t...Ali was like okay there are no signs of it starting, lets get moving...so we walk back in the building to leave and OH there’s the show! We seemed to have missed the note that the show was INSIDE! It was really cool though! I’ve never watched a water music show before and it was quite entertaining.
After our little musical water show we just headed out to the boardwalk and walked along it. I loved it...looking at shops along the way is great fun to me. After walking for a while Jessica said I should get my palms read...now I am NOT a superstitous person or believe Tarot cards or palm reading...but hey...it’s my bday...why not! I was slightly surprised by this woamn...she described my personality in a decent way...said I was creative...possibly in social work...I don’t trust people very much...especially the person I’m dating (Ali loved that!)...i’m going to have 2 kids...will die of old age...etc. Now do I really believe she could read my palms?...no...what she can read is reactions on faces, to you to determine if she’s saying the right things. That’s what I believe in. But it was fun and interesting no the less. (PS and Ali did hold a grudge against me for a few hours about the fact that “I don’t trust him”...however when he got his palms read oh course everything she said to him was bogus...but what she said to me some how was true!! ;)
After hearing about my future we walked a little more and went onto a branch of the boardwalk with carnival type games. We wasted more money here than anywhere else! I tried to shoot a gun...tried being the key word..got punched in the face with a punching bag that I’m suppose to hit...and played with the machines that you give a dollar to and try to take the claws and pick up things...gosh who knows how much money we gave them!
Lastely we went into a casino...for about 20 minutes! That’s all I could do...we lost $20 in that time and that was already too much for me...when you’re poor you don’t gamble away that much money...all I could think was that’s a metro card or a 3rd a tank of gas for me!! Hahahah
After all this it was getting close to 8:30 and we had a good 2.5 hour drive ahead of us. By the time we got home it was about midnight (we stopped by Piscataway NJ to drop off Jessica and Ayan). I got a little cranky on this ride home...I was tired!! But overall it was a great day...very relaxing and with people I love...what I want on every birthday now for the rest of my long life (hey that’s what the fortune teller says I’ve got comin’ ;)
PS I have pictures but I probably won't post them today...this post's long enough! So i'll get them up this weekend!


TUESDAY
Man I started this day TIRED! I got to bed around 12:30 on Monday and got up at 5:45 to get into the city by 8:30 for orientation for the new job. I couldn’t be late of course so I gave myself a little extra time, but man...what a killer. Luckily it wasn’t a bad commute to the office in the city.
I woke up at 5:45
I left the house at 6:15 and drove to the ferry to get there by 6:50
I took the 7am ferry and go to the city at 7:30
I then hoped on a subway and go to where I needed to be about 7:55.
Yes I was a good half hour early but you NEVER know when NYC will bite you in the ass and make you really late...it happens frequently! (Just wait till you hear about Thursday!)

The Orientation
Orientation was like most..very boring and a lot of paperwork. I was originally told it would go all day and luckily I was done by about 11!!
I was obviously very early and after using the bathroom in the Starbucks around the corner, without buying a drink (they hate this!), I was there by about 8:10. There was another man that got there early and man talk about a talker!! I’m friendly too...but holy cow this man could not sit in silence!!...and I don’t really like having conversations that early in the morning!!
Once everyone got there we got our TB shots and did our drug tests. I’ve never seen adults so worried about being able to pee before. The nurse started handed everyone cups and they were all like “oh no do you have any water...I don’t have anything in me!” Come on people. She needed about 2 drops of pee. So I just went in and did my business while the woman next to me literally drank 4 cups of water and the talker man downed a couple as well.
I then had to listen to a man talk about OSHA (occupational safty stuff). This man was annoying because instead of just doing his little presentation he felt as though he needed to encourage participation...grrr...so he put mulitple choice questions into his slides and would NOT go on until someone said the answer. To make this less painful I just said A, B,C or D as quickly as possible.
Then after tons of paper work I had my fingerprints taken. Let me tell you Hoosiers...NY takes their fingerprinting seriously. I had to do each finger and thumb...then do my whole finger...then do my thumbs again. Man they really should just take a whole hand print cuz that’s pretty much what they got!!
After my orientation was over I has serious business to take care of...start my 10-15 page research paper due this Thursday (reminder this is Tuesday) that I have not typed one word of. Yeah I was stressed.

I commuted my butt back to SI, I had my car parked right at the ferry so I could leave and go straight to Queens to start writing. I got to Queens about 1...not bad timing! And went to the Barnes and Noble right around the block from school. I love that there’s a bookstore so close to school and in walking distance. I sat and wrote until class (all I produced was about 7 pages of disorganized notes) then had to head to class. After class I got home around 7:45 and didn’t have much motivation. Ali’s family was over for dinner and so I felt obligated to sit and eat with everyone. By the time I could actually start writing again it was around 9:30. I had no motivation...so I went to bed...I had all day of Wednesday ahead of me...

WEDNESDAY
Write. Write. Write. That’s all I did. I got up at 8:30 and went straight to Queens kids! I head to a Starbucks about 5 minutes from school and sat there until noon. At noon I headed back to the Barnes and Noble until 4:30. I then headed to class until 6:30. I then headed home and went straight to Panera and stayed there until 10. Literally people...I wrote alllll day long.
I don’t even have any fun stories from Wednesday because there were no fun stories. All I was doing and thinking about was “In Defense of Our Youth: Destructive Youth Behavior and Societal Causes.
I won’t bore you all with heavy details of my paper, but here's my argument in a nutshell... Youth’s behaviors have become more destructive in the last half century. They have actually always had destructive behavior but it has gotten worse. These changes are not all the fault of the youth. Youth are formed by the culture and society they live in. We have created a toxic society. Socially, economically and politically we have oppressed youth and put up barriers and difficulties for them to overcome to succeed. Examples: minimum wage is not a living wage, we no longer have enough manual labor jobs for those that don’t want to go to college, we have created the idea that post secondary education is required when in reality it often is really unnecessary for many jobs that require it, etc etc etc. If you really want to read it I can send you a copy :)

THURSDAY
Ok so my paper is due today. By Wednesday night I have all 10 pages written but I still needed to revise, reword etc. However...I have to go into the city again. When you get a TB shot you have to have it looked at 2 days later. Grrr... So I had to commute into the city just for this! I got to the Salvation Army offices in the city at 8:48...by 8:56 I was walking out of the office...with no TB and starting my 1hr and 15 min commute back to Staten Is. I did a good 2 hr and 45 minutes of commuting in one morning to be in an office for 8 minutes...this didn’t put me in the best of moods for the day...especially since I still had an unfinished paper on my mind.
So I got back to SI and went back to Panera to finish this paper. And of course, like always I miscalculate how long it will take me to finish it. At about 3 I’m almost finished I just need to go over it a couple more times and I needed to leave at 3:20 to get this paper to my professor in time.

Let me back up and explain something. So yesterday my professor said that he wasn’t going to lecture today, we could just come and turn in our papers and leave. I was happy about this...until I realized I would be driving to Queens (2.5 hours combined) just to hand in a paper. So I emailed my professor last night and asked if I could email it to him. He never responded so the whole day I debated whether I should just email it or if I should do the drive to Queens. At about 3 I decided ok, I have to drive this paper to Queens.

Okay back to 3pm and my paper’s almost done. We’ll 3:20 rolls around, which is when I need to leave and I’m not quite done reading. I finish at about 3:30...crap...I still have to print this paper out...I’m at Panera. No worries there’s a Kinkos 2 minutes away and its on the way. So I get to Kinkos and its 3:35...I should have been on the road to class a good 10 minutes ago. I get into Kinkos and the first computer I use to print off my paper says the printers aren’t working...I begin to panic...it’s 3:40. I’m running really late and my professor will not wait past 5:00 for this paper. I ask the man at the desk if the printer is working at any of the computers...”Oh yeah it works at the last one”. Ok. I get my paper printed off...it’s 3:45. It takes a good 1 hour and 15 minutes to get to school. I have exactly that amount of time...I’m stressed. Traffic is worse because it’s closer to rush hour. I drive to Queens like a mad woman. I park my car in a handicap spot...yes I did, but don’t worry there were about 10 still open right next to it...and I ran...ran people, to my professor’s office. I get there as he is closing his door. I am sweating like a pig and its 5:04... He says “oh good thing you made it. I don’t accept papers through emails or late papers”. Whew...I have never cut it so close in my life.
Lesson for me: Don’t wait until the very last minute to finish and print your papers. Especially when it is the paper that makes up your WHOLE ENTIRE GRADE FOR THE CLASS!

So to recap people I spent a good 2.5 hours commuting this morning to be in an office for 8 minutes and I spent another good 2.5 hours commuting in the afternoon to again spend about 5 minutes in an office. All this was not making me feel cheery and happy today.
On my way home Ali calls me and asks me to pick him up from the ferry on my way home. Not a big deal I do this all the time. Poor Ali didn’t know what was coming his way though. Traffic on Staten island was really bad as I was trying to pick him up. There was just tons of traffic because it was at rush hour time. When I got to Ali at the ferry I was beat. I was yelling at every other car and then I began yelling at him. I yelled because everyone was cutting me off. I yelled because I had spent 5 hours of my life commuting today. I was yelling because I felt like I didn’t turn in a good enough paper. I was yelling because I was tired. I was yelling because I was already stressed out and the atmosphere of a busy city just aggravates me even more. I was yelling because I am starting my new job on Monday and will be driving in this chaotic mess 5 times a week. I was yelling because I felt like I was boiling inside with anger and frustration and have absolutely no idea how to get it out.
Ali was just looking at me. I was screaming and crying. What a scene sitting at the red light with the windows down. I didn’t care. I couldn’t care anymore. I sometimes think I missed the step in life when you learn how to handle frustration because man...I don’t have that skill. Ali doesn’t know what to say and I don’t blame him. I tell him I have to move to Queens and he says that’s fine. I tell him I don’t believe him that he'll be okay with this. He says what do you want me to say then. In these moments I don’t really think anyone can say anything to make me feel better. My emotions are running me right now. I have lost control of myself and my rationality. We get home and he gets out of the car and goes straight to the gym. I stand inside our bedroom and just sit. Feeling completely overwhelmed by the feelings and frustrations inside of me and feeling like I’m going to lose it at any given moment. I don’t know what to do. I mechanically put on running clothes and run out of the house. I run...and I run...and I run...I run for a good hour. And that is where the poem from yesterday came from.
Yesterday was a hard day. The frustrations of this city and the perfection I expect from myself became too much.

Vulnerability

I felt a need to release all the thoughts inside my head today...and this is what came out...

I run to find the pain
To feel the exhaustion of my body
My shins as they begin sting
My thighs as they begin to burn
The cramping in my side and the warming of my face

I run to escape the questions and confusion
The swirling in my mind
The frustration and the fear,
The all consuming thoughts
that roll around inside of me
and never find their way out

I run to find the power within me
To weaken and burn
the thoughts inside of me
To destroy them ever nagging,
Grabbing at my mind
Defining my every being

I run to escape the fear
Of the difference and changing,
The unfamiliar and the foreign
I run to find the satisfaction and peace
The calming and the soothing

I run to find the home in my mind
but never do I find it
I run to hear the sound of the stillness and peace
But I find the hustle and bustle
I run to feel the breeze of the summers
But I find the car exhaustion as it hits my body
I run to find the familiar aroma of the cows
But I find the scent of an Indian woman walking in my path
I run to see the cornstalks on corner
But I find the cement buildings, never ending
I run for the taste of cinnamon and sugar
But I find the curry and cumin

I run for the longing of my home
But can I find it here?
How do I find it in this sea of unfamiliar
How do I find it, my comfort
My comfort in this chaos

How to I find my state of mind
How do I find my mental home
How do I stop my endless search
And find this place called home

By Sarah Clauser

It is not easy to shift our views in order to see new things in place of the old. It is often confusing and frightening to make a shift away from the familiar in order to embrace the unknown. Yet is is a necessary labor we must undertake in order to grow. No matter how difficult, challenging, or hard it may see, shifts are necessary when the time comes to free ourselves from the confinemtn of mental, emotional or physical boxes. – Iyanla Vanzant


"Give A Man A Home"

Have you ever lost your way
have you ever feared another day
have you ever misplaced your mind
watching this world leave you behind

won't you
won't you give
won't you give a man
give a man a home

have you ever worn thin
have you ever never known where to begin
have you ever lost your belief
watching your faith turn to grief

won't you
won't you give
won't you give a man
give a man a home

in a world that is unwhole
you have got to fight to keep your soul
some would rather give than receive
some would rather give up before they believe

won't you
won't you give
won't you give a man
give a man a home

-Ben Harper

Dear Self
Free your mind from the dead things
You wanted to do but allowed yourself to believe
You weren’t good enough, smart enough, young or old
Enough to do.
Free your heart from the fear that someone
Can stop you or harm you.
Free your self from self-imposed limitations
Of age, color and gender.
Free your body from the harmful things you love
Even when you know they are
absolutely no good for you.
Freedom is the key.
You must not let anything or anyone
Confine you or define you!

Freedom is a state of mind!

Iyanla Vanzant

The Science of Goodbyes

Hola Amigos,

I had my last day at Morimoto today!! This was a longgg weekend. Between Fri, Sat and Sun I worked almost 30 hours! It is strange to be done though...it's crazy for me to think that I have been in this city long enough to have begin and end a job...and i'm kind of nervous to be starting a "real" job again! It's okay though..I need the change..and the money!

I will say that I noticed changes in people once they learned that I was leaving. There were the people that all of the sudden felt like we needed to exchange numbers and be friends...hmmm the whole time I worked here we never exchanged numbers so why are we now??...There were the people that would say whatever they felt like in front of me because "your leaving so it doesn't matter that I say this in front of you now"...there was the one server who told me he had to flirt with me my last few days...there were the people that introduced themselves to me for the first time...and my favorite, the people that were more nasty than usual because they didn't have to pretend to be nice to me anymore since I was leaving. Of course there were still the people that I've beens friends with all the way through and will miss as well! But really...does anyone else notice these types of changes when you leave a job or is this just me??

I think I handled these interesting changes fairly well though....the people that wanted to suddenly exchange numbers...I gave them mine when the asked but I didn't ask for theirs...the people that decided to say everything in front of me...I soaked it all in and will remember it ;)...the boy that needed to flirt...I ignored him...the people that for some reason felt the need to introduce themselves now...I was polite but didn't invest too much time in them...and the people that decided to be mean...I got crappy right back...i think I yelled at people in the kitchen 2 or 3 times in 3 days!!

I have to say the kitchen of high-end restaurants are definitely filled with snobs and racism. I never saw the attitudes of our kitchen staff until the last few days...and I didn't like what I saw. I definitely saw that if you don't have a penis or have an accent and dark skin you're going to have to fight to survive in the kitchen. I am not stupid enough to stereotype all white men in kitchens and imply they are all ignorant,racists, pigs...but I will say it about some! I may sound slightly more bitter and aggravated than I should while discussing this, but I am dating someone non white and I don't like the idea of him having to fight to be treated as an equal. From discussing this with Ali these types of attitudes are not uncommon though in the high end restaurant world...gosh am I glad this is the field he's in(in case you can't tell that sentence is dripping with sarcasm).

Okay folks that's all I got for ya! I promise the next post will be about more than just work...that's just all I did this weekend!

Oh wait! I did watch Mummy 1 and Mummy 2 and enjoyed both thoroughly! (Even though I feel asleep and missed the last 10 minutes of both of them!) And yes i'm probably gonna see the 3rd!!

I also bought my first Bollywood movie this weekend!! Well technically Ali bought it but i'm going to say it's mine! I love Hindi movies for 2 reasons...singing and dancing..you all HAVE to watch an indian movie..their great i'm telling you!

Okay now my update is done! I'll definitely have one tomorrow because I'm going to Atlantic City for my Bday!!!
Night all
Sarah